Chinese New Year’s warmth has faded, leaving behind echoes of laughter and the lingering scent of my favorite pineapple tarts. Yet, a niggling thought remains: the shrinking size of some of our family gatherings.
Excuses abound, casting a shadow on the joyous reunions of years past. While technology is often blamed, something doesn’t quite fit. After all, the recent Coldplay concert buzzed with excitement, and Taylor Swift’s “Eros Tour” tickets sold out in a flash.
Intrigued by this curious contrast, I turned to two insightful guides: Brené Brown’s exploration of vulnerability and Priya Parker’s “The Art of Gathering.” Could their wisdom unlock the mystery?
Brown eloquently unveils the fear of vulnerability that often lurks beneath the surface, especially in intimate family settings. The pressure to “perform,” the potential for awkward silences, all pose a threat to our carefully constructed selves. Perhaps, in large gatherings, this pressure dissipates, allowing us to connect anonymously, shielded by the crowd.
Parker, meanwhile, illuminates the power of intentional design in creating meaningful gatherings. Concerts, meticulously planned with shared goals and orchestrated euphoria, offer a predictable path to connection. In contrast, family gatherings, often spontaneous and unstructured, can feel overwhelming in their unpredictability.
So, are we trading genuine connection for curated thrills? Maybe. While the concert’s energy was undeniable, did it leave a lasting bond? Did it deepen understanding or forge meaningful relationships? Family gatherings, despite their messiness, offer a unique space for growth and connection. The laughter, the tears, the unspoken language – these weave a tapestry of shared history, far richer than any manufactured experience.
But what about the “fly-in” phenomenon? Why do we readily “fly in” for concerts while “flying out” of family gatherings? Perhaps it’s a matter of choice – choosing curated excitement over vulnerability, the familiar over the unpredictable.
However, there’s another possibility. Maybe, amidst the busyness of our lives, we forget the importance of nurturing these intimate connections. We prioritize fleeting excitement over the slow burn of authentic relationships.
As Parker suggests, meaningful gatherings require intentionality. Let’s approach family reunions with the same care we give to planned events. Create space for genuine conversation, encourage vulnerability, and embrace the unpredictable. Remember, within the messiness lies the potential for deeper, more meaningful connection.
Let me know what you think
Contact me at
Karl desouza
Director and Lead Psychotherapist
Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte Ltd
(A safe place to be vulnerable and grow)
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