Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte Ltd

Nurturing vs. Enabling: A Compassionate Guide Forged from Witness

In over two decades of working with people in a helping capacity, I’ve been privileged to witness the profound struggles that arise in the delicate balance between supportive relationships and a enabling codependent relationship. It’s a conflict that, in its simplicity, holds the power to shape the course of relationships. So, I thought of penning our own two cents, born from the stories I was fortunate to witness—stories of triumph, heartbreak, and the unwavering human spirit. Supporting vs. Enabling: Unveiling the Heartfelt Differences Supporting someone is like sharing the weight of their dreams, a shared journey where each step is a victory celebrated together. Enabling, however, can unknowingly morph into a protective shield, shielding them from the world and inadvertently impeding their growth. Here’s a more personal take on these distinctions: Empowerment vs. Dependence: Supporting: It’s holding hands through the storms, a testament to the strength found in unity. Enabling: It’s like carrying them on your back, a burden they never asked for. Healthy Boundaries vs. Codependency: Supporting: It’s dancing side by side, acknowledging individual steps and missteps, yet finding a rhythm that feels uniquely ‘us.’ Enabling: It’s like intertwining roots until it’s hard to tell where one person ends, and the other begins. Accountability vs. Excusing Behavior: Supporting: It’s nudging gently towards growth, sharing moments we were privileged to witness where personal triumphs emerged from facing consequences. Enabling: It’s covering tracks, unintentionally fostering a cycle of stagnation. Heartfelt Tips for Navigating Codependency in Relationships Set Clear Boundaries: Share our own fears and vulnerabilities, establishing a space where honesty is the foundation. Encourage Personal Responsibility: Speak from our hearts, recounting moments we’ve been able to witness where personal responsibility became a catalyst for transformative change. Practice Active Listening: Share our struggles openly. Sometimes, knowing they’re not alone can be the greatest comfort. Promote Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Offer insights into our own toolbox of coping strategies, encouraging them to explore what works for them. Seek Professional Guidance: From one helper to another, emphasize the importance of seeking professional help and the transformative power of therapy. Educate Yourself: Share our discoveries about codependency, weaving in personal anecdotes that illustrate the human side of these complex dynamics. Watch Thoughtful Films and Read Inspiring Books: Suggest movies like “6 Balloons” (2018), “Little Miss Sunshine” (2006), and “Candy” (2006) that delicately explore complex family dynamics and codependency. Recommend books such as “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie and “Facing Codependence” by Pia Mellody for deeper insights. Encourage Independence: Remind them of their unique strengths and talents, cheering them on as they forge their own path. In Conclusion: A Warm Embrace for Healthier Relationships In sharing these insights, I hope to contribute to the ongoing conversations about supporting and enabling. It’s not just about navigating relationships; it’s about creating a space where growth is nurtured, and love flourishes. So, as we delve into the suggested books and films together, let these stories be a shared journey. By embracing a role that nurtures growth and independence, we build relationships that stand the test of time—rooted in the warmth of genuine care and the understanding that, sometimes, the most profound transformations begin with a simple choice to love a little more consciously. If you find these reflections resonating with your own experiences, or if you have questions about codependency or relationships, I invite you to reach out. As a seasoned psychotherapist and counselor, my commitment is to provide support and guidance on your unique journey towards healthier, more fulfilling connections. Feel free to contact me at the contact above for a personalized consultation, and let’s take the next step together on your path to growth. Thank you for being a part of this shared exploration of relationships. Here’s to the warmth, understanding, and conscious love that propels us toward brighter, more connected tomorrows. Karl @ Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte Ltd Singapore Therapy For you Adapted to You

Choosing the Right Partner to Dance With: Therapy as a Dance

Therapy as a Dance – 12 Questions to ask before choosing your Dance Partner Embarking on the journey of therapy is much like preparing for a dance. The harmony between you and your therapist is crucial for a transformative experience. In a world where so few seek therapy, often due to fears and apprehensions, finding the right therapist becomes a delicate dance—an artful process of selecting a partner who understands your rhythm and contributes to your mental well-being. Just as in dance, the choice of a therapist involves research and understanding. To help guide you through this delicate dance, consider asking these 12 fundamental questions before taking that first step onto the metaphorical dance floor. It’s essential to choose a therapist who is not only well-trained but also totally professional, ethical, respectful, and understands you without judgment. Your therapist should genuinely care about your well-being, creating a safe and supportive space for your personal dance of healing and self-discovery. How long have you been practising? Understanding a therapist’s experience helps gauge their expertise and familiarity with diverse situations. What licences and certifications do you hold, and which professional organisations do you belong to? Credentials provide assurance of a therapist’s qualifications and commitment to ethical standards. What is your fee structure, including whether the therapist takes insurance, and what is the cancellation policy? Openly discussing financial aspects ensures a transparent understanding of the cost of therapy, including any cancellation policies. How many clients have you worked with in situations similar to mine, and when was the last time you dealt with a case like mine? Experience with cases similar to yours demonstrates a therapist’s ability to address specific concerns. What are your strengths and limitations as a counsellor? Knowing a therapist’s strengths and limitations helps you align expectations and preferences. What modalities or therapies are you specialised in, and what is your general philosophy and approach to therapy—are you more directive or guiding? Understanding a therapist’s specialisation provides insight into the techniques they use, and their approach helps you determine compatibility with your preferred style. How often do you seek peer consultation, supervision, or therapy yourself? Insight into a therapist’s commitment to ongoing professional development and personal growth reflects their dedication to providing effective therapy. What type of therapy do you recommend for my condition, and what would a typical session look like? If I am already on medication, do I really need to see you for therapy too? Gaining insight into the recommended therapy for your condition, the structure of a typical session, and the necessity of therapy alongside medication provides a comprehensive understanding of the treatment approach. How long is a typical session, and how frequently do you recommend sessions? Understanding the duration and frequency of sessions helps establish expectations for the therapeutic process. How can I best make progress in therapy, and what are your expectations of me during this process? Gaining insight into how you can contribute to your therapeutic progress and understanding the therapist’s expectations creates a collaborative approach to your mental health journey. Can therapy be complemented by other resources/medication? Understanding if therapy can be complemented by additional resources or medication provides a comprehensive approach to mental health. What preparation should I do before a session? Learning about the necessary preparations before a session helps optimize the therapeutic experience. Embarking on the dance of therapy is a personal and transformative experience. By asking these questions, you ensure that the rhythm between you and your therapist is harmonious—a dance that leads to self-discovery, healing, and a fulfilling journey towards mental well-being. Karl deSouza @ Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte, Singapore Trained and Ready to Dance Hashtags: #TherapyJourney #MentalHealthMatters #ChoosingATherapist #WellBeing #NavigatingTherapy #SelfImprovement #DanceOfTherapy Would love to hear your comments and experiences in counselling. Feel free to share your thoughts below, and let’s continue this dance of self-discovery and healing together.

Unveiling Timeless Wisdom: Navigating Growth with Satir & Dweck

Introduction: Embracing Eternal Wisdom: Satir’s Tapestry of Connection and Dweck’s Growth Mindset in Life’s Journey” As we embark on the journey into the unknown terrain of a new year, let’s draw inspiration from two profound thinkers, Virginia Satir and Carol Dweck. Exploring Satir’s insights into sameness and differences has unraveled the complex dynamics of human connection. Now, let’s dive deep into the timeless wisdom of Carol Dweck’s growth mindset and how it beautifully intersects with Satir’s philosophy. Satir’s Insight: Virginia Satir’s words, “We connect in our sameness and grow in our differences,” are not just a reflection; they’re an invitation to unravel the intricacies of human relationships. Sameness forms the foundation of connection—shared experiences, values, and perspectives. Yet, the real magic lies in the potential for growth found within differences. Understanding Satir’s Depth: Satir’s wisdom delves into the essence of connection, acknowledging that shared experiences create bonds, but it’s the diversity in our interactions that fosters true personal and interpersonal growth. It’s an invitation to embrace both the comfort of the familiar and the transformative power of the unfamiliar. Dweck’s Growth Mindset: Now, shift your gaze to Carol Dweck’s groundbreaking theory—the growth mindset. It challenges the notion that intelligence and abilities are fixed, advocating instead for a view that sees challenges not as roadblocks but as opportunities for development. Embracing Challenges: Dweck encourages us to seek challenges deliberately, recognizing them as gateways to unlocking our true potential. In the context of personal and professional development, challenges become stepping stones toward mastery, transforming setbacks into opportunities for learning and growth. Interweaving Perspectives: As we intertwine Satir’s insights with Dweck’s growth mindset, a harmonious synthesis unfolds. Relationships grounded in shared experiences (Satir’s sameness) become the fertile ground on which a growth mindset can flourish. The stability of the familiar provides a launching pad for the dynamic challenges that fuel continuous evolution. Applying Wisdom to Professional Growth: Extend this introspection to your professional realm. A growth mindset invites you not only to embrace projects aligned with your strengths but actively seek those that push you beyond your comfort zones. It’s within this delicate dance that true professional development blossoms. Cultivating a Growth Tapestry: Take this philosophy into your personal pursuits. Whether acquiring a new skill or venturing into uncharted territories, infuse your hobbies with a growth-oriented mindset. In doing so, leisure becomes a journey of self-discovery, transcending the boundaries of the familiar. Conclusion: As we navigate the tapestry of life, let Satir’s celebration of sameness and Dweck’s call for continuous improvement guide us. By weaving the threads of connection and growth, we create a tapestry that stands the test of time—an evolving masterpiece that unfolds with each new chapter. Embrace the eternal wisdom encapsulated in Satir and Dweck’s insights, and let your journey be a testament to the beauty found in both sameness and differences. #EternalWisdom #GrowthMindset #ConnectionAndGrowth