Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) Singapore
Reconnect, Repair, Rebuild
What Is Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)?
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is a structured, short-to-medium-term therapy model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and grounded in over 30 years of clinical research. It is one of the most well-researched and effective approaches for healing emotional disconnection in relationships.
EFCT is based on attachment science—the idea that we are wired to seek emotional safety with our partners. When that sense of safety feels threatened, couples often fall into painful patterns of conflict, protest, withdrawal, or shutdown.
These patterns don’t mean the relationship is broken. They mean both partners are hurting, and trying—often unsuccessfully—to reach each other.
EFCT gently guides couples to:
Identify and interrupt destructive emotional cycles
Access softer emotions and unmet attachment needs
Respond with empathy, openness, and clarity
Rebuild emotional safety, trust, and closeness
This therapy isn’t about fixing your partner. It’s about learning to dance a new emotional tango together—one based on responsiveness, connection, and mutual care.
Why EFCT Works: Understanding Attachment and Emotional Safety
We are wired for emotional connection. In times of stress or disconnection, couples don’t just fight about chores, money, or time—they struggle with a deeper question:
“Are you truly here for me?”
In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), we understand that beneath every argument is an emotional need—often hidden under frustration, silence, or protest. EFCT doesn’t teach you to debate better. It helps you feel safer, so you can speak and hear from the heart.
When partners can tune into each other’s vulnerable emotions—like fear of rejection, shame, or grief—they begin to respond with empathy instead of defensiveness, and to turn toward instead of away.
Research shows that EFCT leads to long-term improvements in relationship satisfaction, emotional responsiveness, and secure bonding—with success rates of over 70%.
EFCT isn’t about surface fixes or quick scripts.
It’s about helping you feel safe enough to reach for each other again.Because at the heart of every strong relationship is this truth:
“I know you’re there, and I matter to you.”
What EFCT Can Help With
Struggling with infidelity? Learn more about how we support couples here »
👉 Facing addiction in your relationship? Start your healing journey here »
👉 Concerned about intimacy or sexual disconnection? Let’s talk about it »At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we support couples from all walks of life—married, dating, premarital, intercultural, LGBTQIA+, and more. We honour each unique story with care and respect.
The EFCT Process: The Three Stages of Healing and the EFT Tango
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy unfolds in three clear, research-based stages. Together, these steps form what Dr. Sue Johnson calls the EFT Tango—a dynamic, repeatable process couples learn to navigate emotional moments with safety and connection.
Whether you’re feeling disconnected, emotionally stuck, or caught in painful patterns, this process offers a structured yet compassionate pathway back to closeness.
🔹 1. De-escalation: Understanding the Cycle
In this first stage, we uncover the negative cycle—those repeating loops of blame, withdrawal, shutdown, or defensiveness that keep you stuck.
We help you step back and see the cycle as the enemy, not each other.
Couples often say, “Oh… that’s what’s happening between us. We just couldn’t see it before.”
Once partners recognise this pattern together, the fighting often begins to soften—even before anything else changes.
🔹 2. Restructuring the Bond: Creating New Emotional Experiences
This is the heart of EFCT. With safety slowly re-established, you begin to risk sharing more vulnerable emotions—like sadness, fear, shame, or longing.
You learn to reach for your partner with openness, not attack… and to respond when your partner reaches for you.
These emotionally attuned moments—when one partner says, “I need you” and the other responds, *“I’m here”—*reshape the bond at its core.
🔹 3. Consolidation: Strengthening and Sustaining the New Dance
In the final stage, you and your partner begin to integrate what you’ve learned.
You now recognise your cycle when it shows up. You know how to slow it down, and how to come back to each other.
We also revisit past issues or ongoing stressors—but this time, with new tools and emotional responsiveness in place.
The EFT Tango doesn’t just help you repair. It helps you create a more secure, loving bond that endures.
What Makes EFCT Different from Other Couples Therapy Approaches
In the sea of relationship counselling methods, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) stands out—not because it offers communication tips or behavioural scripts, but because it goes to the root: our need to feel emotionally safe and deeply connected.
EFCT isn’t about fixing your partner. It’s about understanding how both of you reach for connection—and what happens when that reach is missed.
Where many methods focus on conflict resolution or compromise, EFCT gently explores the emotions beneath the struggle. It asks:
“What is your partner really longing for when they raise their voice?”
“What does silence or withdrawal actually protect?”
Grounded in attachment science, EFCT recognises that most couple arguments are not about who left the dishes, but the fear of not being loved, seen, or safe.
EFCT vs Traditional Couples Therapy
| Traditional Approaches | Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) |
|---|---|
| Focus on communication techniques | Focus on emotional safety and attachment needs |
| Often teaches compromise | Helps shift emotional cycles and restore bonding |
| Behavioural change as primary goal | Deep emotional attunement and transformation |
| Limited trauma integration | Actively includes past hurts that shape present reactions |
| Works well for mild conflict | Especially effective for emotional disconnection or trust issues |
EFCT is particularly helpful for couples experiencing:
Infidelity or a rupture in trust
👉 Struggling after infidelity? Learn more »Sexual disconnection or intimacy issues
👉 Let’s talk about rebuilding intimacy »Anxious-avoidant patterns
Emotional shutdown and distance
Ongoing fights with no clear resolution
EFCT helps couples move from:
“You never listen!”
to
“I’m scared I don’t matter to you.”
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being reachable.
What Happens in an EFCT Session? 🛋️ What Happens in an EFCT Session?
Many couples feel nervous before their first session. That’s completely normal. EFCT offers a warm, structured space—focused not on blame, but on understanding and healing the emotional bond.
Here’s what to expect:
🧭 The First Few Sessions: Mapping the Landscape
Initial session (together): We explore what brings you in, your hopes, and your stuck patterns.
Individual sessions (one each): These give space to understand each partner’s experience, family history, and emotional style.
Cycle mapping (together): We begin to name your unique negative cycle—what happens between you when things go wrong.
Many couples feel a sense of relief just having the patterns named.
🔄 Middle Sessions: Emotional Risk and Reconnection
This is the heart of EFCT.
You’ll begin to identify and express softer, often hidden emotions—like fear, sadness, shame, or longing.
Your partner learns to respond with empathy and presence.
These moments—when one says “I need you” and the other says “I’m here”—reshape your emotional bond.
This stage can feel tender, but it’s also deeply connecting and healing.
💪 Final Sessions: Strengthening and Moving Forward
You’ll practise new ways of connecting and repairing together.
We revisit past triggers with new emotional tools in place.
Together, we create a roadmap to sustain closeness, even during stress.
Each session is paced with care, ensuring both partners feel safe, heard, and emotionally regulated. We go slowly enough to honour pain—but move clearly toward hope.
The 9 Steps of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy follows a clear and structured process, developed through decades of research and clinical practice. These 9 steps are grouped into three key stages, offering a compassionate roadmap for couples to move from distress to reconnection:
🔹 Stage 1: De-escalation – Understanding the Pattern
This stage helps couples recognise the negative cycle they’re caught in and shift from blaming each other to seeing the cycle as the shared enemy.
Assessment and alliance building
Understanding each partner’s perspective, key concerns, and hopes. This includes joint and individual sessions to form a therapeutic alliance.Identifying the negative interaction cycle
Pinpointing the recurring pattern of distress—whether it’s pursuing-withdrawing, blaming-defending, or shutting down emotionally.Accessing underlying emotions
Exploring softer, more vulnerable emotions (like fear, shame, or longing) that often lie beneath reactive behaviours.Reframing the problem
Helping both partners see the negative cycle—not each other—as the problem. This creates a sense of shared responsibility and opens the door for change.
🔹 Stage 2: Restructuring the Bond – Reaching and Responding
This stage deepens emotional engagement and promotes new, healing interactions that build secure attachment.
Promoting emotional engagement
One partner expresses their needs, fears, and longings in a safe and open way.Accepting and responding with care
The other partner learns to respond with empathy, warmth, and emotional presence—often a deeply moving moment in the process.Creating new emotional experiences
Through guided conversations, couples begin to build a new emotional dance—one of trust, openness, and availability.
🔹 Stage 3: Consolidation – Strengthening New Patterns
In this final stage, couples apply their new emotional understanding to old problems and prepare for the future.
Consolidating new communication patterns
Practising more secure ways of relating, especially during stress or disagreement.Planning for the future
Integrating new insights and emotional habits into daily life. Couples learn to repair ruptures faster, support each other’s needs, and maintain closeness over time.
EFCT is not just a conversation—it’s a process that transforms how couples feel seen, heard, and held in the relationship. Whether you’re facing crisis or just feel emotionally distant, these steps offer a powerful, research-backed path toward healing and closeness.
Understanding the EFT Family: Couples, Families, and Individuals
Emotionally Focused Therapy isn’t just for couples.
At its heart, EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is a model grounded in attachment theory. It helps people—whether in a couple, a family, or alone—better understand and respond to emotional needs: ours and others’.
From this foundation, three powerful branches have emerged:
👫 EFCT – Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
This is the core model we use with couples at Listening Ear. EFCT helps partners move from conflict or distance toward safety, intimacy, and emotional responsiveness. It’s ideal for couples experiencing recurring arguments, betrayal, emotional disconnection, or trust issues.
EFCT is what this page has focused on.
But EFT principles go beyond just couples…
👨👩👧 EFFT – Emotionally Focused Family Therapy
Sometimes the distress in a family isn’t about the couple, but about a child who is struggling emotionally or behaviourally.
EFFT works to repair emotional bonds within families, especially between parents and children. It’s especially powerful for:
Teens struggling with anxiety, depression, or withdrawal
Family conflict or shutdowns after trauma
Parenting ruptures or feeling “shut out” from your child
It helps parents become a safe emotional anchor again—even when things feel out of control.
🧍 EFIT – Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy
What if your struggle isn’t with a partner or family member—but within yourself?
EFIT brings EFT’s deep emotional wisdom to individual therapy.
It’s particularly helpful if you:
Grew up with inconsistent or painful attachment experiences
Struggle with emotional regulation or shame
Long to understand your relationship patterns more deeply
EFIT helps you build secure emotional connection with yourself—often a necessary step before thriving in relationships.
🔍 So… what’s the difference between EFFT, EFIT, and EFCT?
| Modality | Who It’s For | Core Goal |
|---|---|---|
| EFCT | Couples | Heal attachment injuries, restore safe emotional connection |
| EFFT | Families (often parent–child) | Repair trust and emotional access in the family bond |
| EFIT | Individuals | Understand personal emotional patterns, build inner security |
At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., Karl is trained in EFT and draws from all three streams to support emotional healing—whether you come in as a couple, as a parent, or on your own.
Each of these approaches offers something slightly different. But the heart remains the same:
You are wired for connection. You are worthy of care. And healing begins in safe, attuned relationships—whether with others or within yourself.
Why Choose Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd.
Depth and Warmth by Professionally Trained Therapist
Affirming and Trauma Informed other Trauma Modalities like Somatic Experiencing, Brainspotting , IFS which complement EFCT Method.
Culturally Sensitive & Globally Informed
Neutral and Respectful of Complex, Delicate Issues
Safe Space with Real Conversations and no Judgement
Next Steps – Learning to Dance Again
Ready to Begin? You don’t have to carry the disconnection alone.
Whether you’re caught in reactive loops, tiptoeing around each other in silence, or quietly longing to feel close again Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) offers a gentle, research-backed path back to emotional safety and closeness.
At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we offer a safe, respectful space where new conversations can begin—conversations that heal, soothe, and bring clarity. With EFCT, we’ll explore the attachment needs beneath the conflict and guide you through the EFT Tango—the dance of understanding, emotional attunement, and turning towards each other again.
You’re warmly invited to reach out for a brief, no-pressure chat to explore whether this might be the right support for your relationship.
📍 In-person sessions available at International Plaza, Anson Road, or via Zoom
📧 Email: admin@listeningearclinic.com
📞 WhatsApp / Call: +65‑89502162
A stronger relationship begins not with blame, but with presence. Not with fixing, but with reaching out.
Let’s begin that new dance when you’re ready.
Testimonials -
What Clients Say About Us
Frequently Asked Questions About the Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Method (FAQs)
Not at all. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is for any couple who values their connection whether you’re dating, engaged, living together, newly married, long-time partners, or navigating a second marriage.
EFCT is also affirming and effective for:
Intercultural or interfaith couples
Blended families
LGBTQIA+ relationships
If you’re committed to deepening emotional safety and understanding in your relationship, EFCT can meet you where you are.
EFCT is a short-to-medium term model, typically between 8 to 20 sessions, depending on the couple’s situation and level of distress. Some couples experience major shifts within the first few sessions.
Yes. EFCT is often used with couples in crisis including those considering separation. The process helps uncover what’s really happening under the distress, often offering clarity and hope.
Absolutely. EFCT meets each partner where they are. Even if one person is more reserved or emotionally avoidant, therapy helps both feel safer expressing needs and emotions over time
That’s actually a common reason couples come for EFCT. Emotional withdrawal or feeling like “roommates” is one of the key issues EFCT helps with—by guiding you to reconnect at a deeper level.
Yes, and you’re not alone. Many people begin their healing journey individually through EFIT—Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy.
EFIT uses the same core principles as EFCT, rooted in attachment science. It helps you explore your emotional patterns, process past relational wounds, and build a deeper sense of self-trust and resilience.
Whether you’re working through heartbreak, betrayal, anxiety, or simply want to understand your own responses in relationships, EFIT can help you grow—even if your partner isn’t ready yet.
And often, individual healing becomes the first step toward relational change.
Yes. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is deeply painful but EFCT offers a compassionate, research-backed path forward. Instead of focusing only on the facts of what happened, EFCT helps couples explore the emotional wounds beneath the surface: the heartbreak, the fear, and the longing for safety.
Through this process, partners learn to:
Make sense of the pain without blame
Share vulnerable emotions with honesty and clarity
Rebuild emotional safety and respond to each other with care
With time and commitment, couples often rediscover not just trust but a stronger, more authentic connection than before.
They share similar names and both value emotions—but they’re two distinct models.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), also known as EFCT when used with couples, was developed by Dr Sue Johnson. It’s grounded in attachment theory and focuses on helping couples create secure, lasting emotional bonds. EFCT works through the lens of how partners reach for connection and respond to each other in distress. It’s highly structured and widely researched for its effectiveness with couples.
Emotion-Focused Therapy (also EFT) by Dr Leslie Greenberg is a process-experiential therapy used primarily with individuals and sometimes couples. It focuses on helping clients access and transform emotional responses by working through unresolved emotional pain. Greenberg’s model is often used in settings where trauma, depression, or emotional stuckness are central.
At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy for couples, we prioritise Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFCT) over EFT since EFCT is a relational, attachment-based therapy that brings couples into deeper emotional connection and bonding.
No, they’re very different therapies, though the names can understandably cause confusion.
At Listening Ear, we practise Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) developed by Dr Sue Johnson, grounded in attachment science and neuroscience. It helps couples, individuals, and families identify and transform negative emotional patterns that block connection. This includes:
EFCT – for couples
EFIT – for individuals
EFFT – for families
This EFT is a clinical, evidence-based approach, widely used by psychotherapists worldwide. It’s structured, deeply relational, and backed by decades of outcome research.
In contrast, EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) is an alternative healing modality that involves tapping on acupressure points to reduce emotional distress. While some people find tapping helpful, it’s not the same as Emotionally Focused Therapy and isn’t part of our clinical practice.
So if you’re looking for therapy focused on deep emotional healing and secure relationships, you’re in the right place.
Yes, it can and it works beautifully.
While some couples wonder if deep emotional work is possible online, research and experience show that EFCT is highly effective over Zoom, especially when both partners are committed and open to the process.
In fact, for many couples, virtual sessions offer added comfort. You can be in your own space, avoid travel stress, and still receive the same attuned, structured, and supportive guidance.
At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy, we offer secure, confidential Zoom sessions that follow the same EFCT roadmap helping you interrupt negative patterns, access vulnerable emotions, and rebuild emotional safety and closeness.
Whether you’re across the island or in another country, meaningful connection and healing are still possible.
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