Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte Ltd

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Infidelity Counselling Singapore

Infidelity Counselling: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust

Infidelity, Extra Marital Affair, Adultery, Cheating, Fling, One Night Stand— all point to one thing: a betrayal of the contract of monogamous fidelity and love for which we work, sacrifice, and live by.

A betrayal by one partner is not just a broken promise; it is a breaking of a bond of trust, a shattering of something special and sacred, an unwanted, uninvited intrusion—almost a contamination of something external into a space very personal and private. The effect is profound.

While society might take sides and condemn one party, what is often overlooked is the impact on both individuals. There are two people involved, and the effect is felt by both in different ways.

 
Understanding the Impact

What is important is to recognize that there is a problem. Our hurt and pain may cause us to rush to judge and blame each other or play the victim on either side. It is common for one partner to say, “Because of you… I cheated,” and for the other to say and believe the same.

At the same time, we must not remain in denial and pretend nothing has happened. There is a problem; something was lacking, something was amiss, which led to this happening and use this unfortunate thing as an opportunity to heal and grow

 
Finding a Safe Space

What is crucial is finding a space where we can feel safe enough to speak of our deepest emotions, pain, and experiences without feeling judged. This is where infidelity counselling comes in—someone trained, neutral, trustworthy, and able to value and respect confidentiality and privacy, someone who will not judge or shame and is comfortable with talking about sex.

 

Professional Guidance

At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte Ltd, we provide the gentle yet firm guidance needed to address the elephant in the room and challenge certain beliefs. We are regarded as one of the best infidelity counselling centres in Singapore, offering a place for healing from infidelity and rebuilding trust after an affair. Because there can’t be lasting hope without healing.

What are the Challenges for Partners Hurt by an Affair?

Behind Closed Doors – The Hidden Struggles of Infidelity 
For The Partner Who Feels Betrayed: 

There is shock similar to PTSD, immense grief, and intense anger. Beneath these emotions lie feelings of insecurity, rejection, and fear of abandonment, with continuous questions spinning in their head: Am I not good enough? What made my partner choose someone else? Does it mean I was never loved? Am I lacking? Was everything I thought and shared a lie? Am I stupid or so blind that I never noticed? How could I have not known? Why did I believe and not trust myself?

You want to love, but at the same time, you are scared of loving again. You hate the situation you are in and wonder how your partner could be so thoughtless, selfish, and careless to leave you in this state. You want reassurances, but at the same time, any trigger sets you back. You want to connect deeply, then feel deep shame, wondering if you are letting your partner off too easily, afraid your kindness is mistaken for trivialising your feelings. You are angry because the one you love, your best friend, is now the cause of your pain, leaving you lonely and isolated, robbed of a friend you could lean on. You crave assurances but then doubt them—wasn’t the assurance at the wedding a sign of undying commitment? If that was not enough, what ever will be?

 
For The Partner  Who Was Unfaithful: 

There is deep shame, guilt, remorse, and self-disgust. They also fear rejection and find themselves trapped in an identity that refuses to see beyond the mistake. You feel constantly judged and punished. Helpless, you wonder what you can do to convince your partner that you love only them and mean it. You are tired of trying and want to give up, start doubting yourself, and even feel self-loathing.

How does each partner make sense of this? Both partners are wounded, hurting, and scared, yet this wound is unlike any other because it is private and confidential. It makes us wonder: What now? Where do we go from here? The situation becomes even more complicated when children, families, and friends are involved.

What are the Common Reasons For Infidelity?

Understanding the Root Causes of Infidelity

Infidelity is a complex issue with many underlying causes, and each case is unique. At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we strive to understand and address these root causes with sensitivity and respect for both partners. By exploring these deeper issues, we aim to help couples heal and rebuild stronger relationships.

Common Root Causes of Infidelity
  1. Lack of Emotional Fulfillment: When partners don’t feel emotionally connected or valued, they may seek that connection elsewhere. For instance, if one partner is constantly busy with work and doesn’t engage in meaningful conversations, the other might feel lonely and unappreciated. This emotional gap can lead to confiding in someone outside the relationship, forming an emotional bond that could eventually lead to infidelity.

  2. Communication Issues: Poor communication can create a breeding ground for infidelity. When partners struggle to express their needs and emotions, misunderstandings arise. For example, if one partner desires more quality time together but fails to communicate this, the other might not realize the significance, leading them to seek companionship elsewhere.

  3. Inability to Deal with Problems: Avoiding problems rather than addressing them can lead to infidelity. Some individuals may seek solace in a coworker or friend who listens and provides comfort, which can become the beginning of an affair.

  4. Tempting Opportunities: Proximity and frequent interactions with potential partners, such as coworkers, can create opportunities for emotional or physical connections outside the committed relationship. Without proper boundaries, these interactions can lead to infidelity.

  5. Alcohol or Drug Addiction: Addiction can lead to irrational behavior, including infidelity. Overconsumption of alcohol or drugs can impair judgment, making individuals more likely to act on temporary feelings of infatuation.

  6. Boredom and Desire for Novelty: Routine and lack of excitement in a relationship can lead to infidelity. Seeking new and thrilling experiences outside the relationship can sometimes result in unintentional cheating. We work with couples to reignite passion and introduce new ways to experience joy and adventure together within the relationship.

  7. Stress and Life Changes: Significant life changes or ongoing stress can strain a relationship. We provide tools and strategies to help couples navigate these challenges together, reinforcing their connection.

  8. Feeling Unwanted: Feeling unappreciated or unwanted by a partner can drive individuals to seek validation and affection elsewhere. This can happen when one partner is very busy or successful, leaving the other feeling neglected.

  9. Living Apart for a Long Time: Extended separations due to work commitments or other reasons can lead to loneliness and a lack of connection, increasing the risk of infidelity.

  10. Revenge: Sometimes, infidelity occurs as a way to retaliate against a partner’s past transgressions. This act of revenge can further damage the relationship.

  11. Parental Dynamics: When one partner takes on a parental role, handling most responsibilities and decisions, they may feel like they’re caring for a child rather than being in an equal partnership, leading them to seek balance elsewhere.

  12. Body Image and Aging: Changes in physical appearance and the effects of aging can sometimes lead individuals to seek younger or more attractive partners, driven by a desire to recapture their youth.

  13. Lack of Respect and Appreciation: Feeling undervalued in a relationship can push individuals to seek recognition and appreciation outside their primary partnership.

  14. Unfulfilled Sexual Desires: Dissatisfaction with sexual intimacy in a relationship can lead to infidelity. Seeking satisfaction elsewhere might seem like a solution but often leads to more significant problems.

  15. Sabotaging the Relationship: Some individuals engage in infidelity as a way to sabotage the relationship, either to end it or to force their partner to initiate a breakup.

  16. Falling Out of Love: Gradually growing apart and falling out of love can lead to infidelity. Sometimes, this is coupled with falling in love with someone else.

  17. Cultural and Societal Norms: Cultural or societal norms that tolerate or even encourage extramarital affairs can influence behavior. In some contexts, such norms shape perceptions of fidelity and impact relationship dynamics. 

     

 Types of Affairs

Understanding the type of affair will never excuse or diminish the devastation infidelity can inflict, but gaining a greater degree of understanding about the type and function of the affair may aid your processing and healing. While there are many who just group types of affairs as varying from a one night stand casual sex relationship, or a cybersex affair to a longer romantic one or  emotional affair and even a sanctioned one etc, we prefer the classification done by the  Zur Institute in California has identified eleven different types of affairs which are listed below.

Types of Affairs:

  1. Conflict Avoidance Affairs: These occur when individuals avoid marital conflicts at all costs, often resorting to affairs to meet unexpressed needs. These affairs are usually short-lived but may recur throughout the marriage.

  2. Intimacy Avoidance Affairs: “Intimacy avoiders” use affairs to maintain emotional distance from their spouse, fearing close intimacy. These affairs also tend to be brief but can recur, sometimes helping emotionally distant couples maintain their relationship.

  3. Individual (Existential or Developmental) Affairs: Factors like midlife crises, depression, or a sense of emptiness can lead to affairs as a way to revitalise oneself or mask unwelcome feelings. These affairs often reflect personal struggles rather than marital issues.

  4. Sexual Addiction Affairs: Sexual addicts engage in affairs compulsively to numb inner pain or a sense of emptiness. These individuals, often men, are drawn to the high of sexual release but frequently experience shame and worthlessness afterward.

  5. Accidental-Brief Affairs: These affairs happen spontaneously, often surprising the individual involved. They occur due to curiosity, pity, drunkenness, or politeness and are typically brief and not repeated.

  6. Philandering & Other Individual Tendencies: Individuals prone to infidelity often do so due to insecurity, low self-esteem, or a need to “score.” Narcissistic and impulsive individuals may view extramarital sex as an entitlement and engage without guilt.

  7. Retribution Affairs: These affairs are acts of revenge, often in response to a partner’s affair or perceived wrongdoing. They are motivated by a desire to “get back” at the other partner.

  8. Bad Marriage Affairs: Resulting from poor communication, lack of intimacy, or cultural differences, these affairs occur when one or both partners seek comfort and intimacy outside their unsatisfactory marriage.

  9. Exit Affairs: Affair exiters use the affair as a way to end their marriage, either consciously or unconsciously. They often establish a backup relationship before leaving the original marriage.

  10. Parallel Lives Affairs: These involve long-term extramarital relationships while remaining in the marriage. Such affairs may be known and tolerated by the spouse and family but are rarely discussed.

  11. Online Affairs: With the rise of the Internet, online affairs have become common. They involve various forms of digital interaction, from video chats to instant messaging, and can be highly disruptive due to their accessibility and anonymity.

Consensual Extramarital Sexual Relationships: In some marriages, extramarital relationships are explicitly accepted. These couples do not face a crisis when infidelity is exposed and may include arrangements like open marriages or when one spouse is gay but remains married for various reasons.

Emotional vs. Sexual Affairs: Affairs can be emotional, sexual, or both. Understanding the nature of the affair is crucial as responses to emotional and sexual infidelity can differ significantly.

By understanding the type of affair, couples can better navigate their healing journey and address the specific issues that led to the infidelity.

If you are struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, know that there is hope and a path to healing. Contact us today to begin your journey towards rebuilding trust and intimacy.

Typical Stages of an Affair 

Infidelity can be a deeply painful and complex experience, but understanding its stages can help individuals and couples navigate through the healing process. Generally there are  four stages of infidelity:

  1. The Discovery Stage This stage involves uncovering the infidelity and understanding the extent of what happened. It typically lasts from the initial moment of discovery up to six weeks. During this time, shock and disbelief are common reactions as one learns about the betrayal.

  2. The Reaction Stage In this stage, the betrayed partner grieves the loss of trust in the relationship and possibly the relationship itself. Attachment distress is prevalent here, as the emotional bond has been broken. This period involves intense emotional responses and a quest for understanding, often filled with questions like, “Why did this happen? Why did this happen to us? Where did our love go?”

  3. The Release Stage This stage focuses on releasing the difficult emotions encountered during the Reaction Stage. It involves processing forgiveness, repairing the relationship, rebuilding trust, learning new communication methods, and increasing mutual understanding. This stage is critical for emotional healing and moving forward.

  4. The Recommitment Stage In this final stage, the couple re-establishes their commitment to each other. The relationship is solidified, and marital satisfaction tends to be significantly higher as healing has strengthened the partnership. This stage is about renewing vows, creating new shared goals, and reinforcing the emotional and relational bonds that have been rebuilt.

Understanding these stages can provide a roadmap for those affected by infidelity, helping them to navigate the complex emotions and challenges involved in the healing process.

What to do When You Come to Know your Partner is having an Affair? 

First Aid: What Helps in Responding  

An affair can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences in a relationship. While there’s no one-size-fits-all response, many people have found certain steps helpful when first confronted with their partner’s infidelity.

Here’s what others have found useful or wish they had done when they first discovered their partner’s unfaithfulness:

  1. Take a Moment to Process Allow yourself some time to process the shock and pain. It’s okay to step back and take a breather before reacting.

    Example: Instead of immediately confronting your partner, take a few hours or even a day to gather your thoughts and emotions.

  2. Communicate Calmly When you’re ready to talk, try to approach your partner calmly. Express your feelings without resorting to yelling or accusations, which can escalate the situation.

    Example: “I recently discovered some messages that indicate you’ve been involved with someone else. I’m feeling incredibly hurt and confused right now, and I’d like to understand what’s going on.”

  3. Ask for Honesty Encourage your partner to be honest about the affair. Knowing the truth, as painful as it might be, is essential for moving forward.

    Example: “Please be honest with me about what happened. I need to know the full extent to understand what we’re dealing with.”

  4. Listen Actively Give your partner a chance to explain their side. Listening can provide you with important context and help you decide your next steps.

    Example: As they explain, try to listen without interrupting, even though it’s difficult. This can help you get a clearer picture of the situation.

  5. Set Boundaries Clearly communicate what you need moving forward, whether it’s space, transparency, or specific actions from your partner.

    Example: “I need some time to think about this. In the meantime, I’d appreciate it if you could give me some space and avoid contacting the other person.”

  6. Seek Support Lean on trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support during this challenging time.

    Example: “I’m going through something really tough right now and could use your support. Can we talk?”

  7. Decide on Immediate Next Steps While you don’t have to make long-term decisions right away, decide on immediate next steps, such as temporary separation or counselling.

    Example: “For now, I think it’s best if we take a short break to clear our heads and figure out what we want to do next.”

 

How to Cope with a Partner Having an Affair

Discovering your partner’s infidelity is devastating. Coping with this kind of betrayal takes time, self-care, and supportive strategies.

Here are some sensible, doable steps to help you through this difficult time:

  1. Allow Yourself to Feel It’s normal to experience a whirlwind of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, and even numbness. Give yourself the space to feel whatever comes up.

  2. Seek Support from Trusted People Call your best friend and say, “I really need someone to talk to

right now. Can we meet up or chat?” Sharing your feelings can lighten the emotional load.

  1. Take Care of Your Physical Health Even if you don’t feel like it, try to eat balanced meals and go for a walk each day. Exercise can help reduce stress and improve your mood.

  2. Avoid Making Major Decisions Immediately Instead of immediately deciding to leave or stay, tell yourself, “I’m going to take a few weeks to think things through before making any big decisions.”

  3. Establish Boundaries “I need some space right now to process everything. Let’s not talk about the affair until I’m ready.” Setting boundaries helps you regain a sense of control.

  4. Reflect on Your Needs “I think seeing a therapist could help me process my emotions and figure out what I want moving forward.” Seeking professional help is a strong step towards healing.

  5. Limit Contact with the Other Person “I don’t want to know anything about the other person. Please don’t mention them to me.” Shielding yourself from more hurt can be protective.

  6. Focus on Self-Care “I’m going to take up painting again. It always made me feel peaceful.” Doing things you love can provide a much-needed distraction and joy.

  7. Join a Support Group Look for local or online support groups for people coping with infidelity. Hearing others’ stories can make you feel less alone.

  8. Be Patient with Yourself Remind yourself, “It’s okay to have good days and bad days. Healing is not a linear process.” Allow yourself the grace to heal at your own pace.

 

Finding Your Path Forward

Dealing with a partner’s affair is undoubtedly one of the toughest challenges you can face. It’s natural to feel a mix of anger, sadness, and confusion. It’s okay to take your time and process these emotions at your own pace. Lean on friends, family, and professionals who can offer support and guidance.

At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we provide a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your feelings, understand the dynamics of the affair, and decide on the best path forward. Our trained therapists use evidence-based approaches to help you heal and rebuild trust, whether you choose to continue the relationship or move on.

Ultimately, you have the strength to find your path forward, whether that means rebuilding your relationship or finding peace on your own. Healing is a process, and it’s unique for everyone. Embrace the journey with compassion for yourself. Over time, with the right support and self-care, you will find clarity and resilience, emerging stronger and more empowered. Trust in your ability to overcome this and create a fulfilling future for yourself.

How and Why Infidelity Counselling Helps  

Infidelity can devastate relationships, shattering trust and creating emotional turmoil. Infidelity counselling provides a structured and supportive environment to help couples navigate this challenging period, facilitating healing and rebuilding.

Understanding and Processing Emotions

Infidelity counselling allows both partners to express and process their complex emotions in a safe and non-judgmental space. The betrayed partner can voice their hurt, anger, and confusion, while the unfaithful partner can explore feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. This mutual understanding is crucial for moving forward.

Identifying Underlying Issues

A significant aspect of counselling is uncovering the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity. These might include unmet emotional needs, communication breakdowns, or individual insecurities. By addressing these root causes, couples can prevent future issues and build a more robust, healthier relationship.

Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is challenging but essential. Counsellors guide couples through structured exercises and strategies to foster transparency, accountability, and honesty. These steps are critical for restoring faith in the relationship and each other.

Improving Communication

Effective communication is vital for any relationship, especially after infidelity. Counsellors teach couples how to communicate their needs, fears, and hopes constructively. This improved dialogue helps resolve conflicts and promotes a deeper emotional connection.

Creating a Safe Environment

Counselling provides a safe space where both partners can explore their feelings and experiences without fear of blame or retribution. This supportive environment is crucial for genuine healing and understanding.

Promoting Forgiveness and Reconciliation

Counselling helps couples navigate the complex process of forgiveness. It’s not about forgetting but understanding and moving past the betrayal. Through guided sessions, couples can work towards reconciliation, finding ways to forgive and rebuild their relationship.

Developing a Stronger Relationship

Ultimately, infidelity counselling aims to help couples emerge stronger. By addressing and resolving underlying issues, improving communication, and rebuilding trust, couples can develop a more resilient and fulfilling relationship. The process may be painful, but with professional guidance, couples can find a path to renewed commitment and deeper connection.

At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., our trained therapists are dedicated to supporting couples through the intricate process of healing from infidelity, providing the tools and guidance needed to rebuild a healthy, loving relationship.

If you are facing challenges related to infidelity, know that healing and reconnection are possible. Contact us today to begin your journey towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Approaches and Modalities Used During Infidelity Counselling at Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd.

At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we help couples understand these root causes of infidelity through a compassionate and non-judgmental approach. Our methods include:

Creating a Safe Space: Ensuring both partners feel heard and respected.

Identifying Underlying Issues: Exploring the unmet needs and emotions that contributed to the affair.

Rebuilding Trust: Developing transparency and understanding to restore faith in the relationship.

Strengthening the Bond: Helping couples reconnect emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

By addressing the root causes with empathy and evidence-based practices, we aim to help couples heal, understand each other better, and build a more secure and loving relationship. If you are facing challenges related to infidelity, know that healing and reconnection are possible. Contact us today to begin your journey towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Now more than ever, there is a need for a trained and experienced counsellor who can provide a safe space and is not afraid to allow the venting of emotions. A counsellor who is private, confidential, non-biased, and non-judgmental. We offer hope for healing to occur and tools for rebuilding. Our counsellor is trained in trauma therapy and other modalities that enable healing and allow hope to reenter. We use modalities from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), the Satir Model, Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and the work of Esther Perel to support our clients through this challenging process.

 

Gottman Method Couples Therapy

The Gottman Method uses evidence-based techniques to improve communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy, which are essential in the recovery process after an affair. One key aspect is addressing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

  • Enhance Communication Skills: Teach couples effective communication strategies.
  • Resolve Conflicts Constructively: Provide tools to manage and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.
  • Build Intimacy: Strengthen emotional and physical intimacy between partners.

 

How it Works: Utilizing structured exercises and assessments, therapists help couples build friendship, manage conflicts constructively, and nurture intimacy through specific communication techniques and mutual understanding. By addressing the Four Horsemen, couples learn to replace negative interaction patterns with positive ones, crucial for rebuilding trust and intimacy after infidelity.

 

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFCT) by Sue Johnson

Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT) focuses on creating secure emotional bonds and understanding each other’s deepest unmet attachment needs. This approach is especially effective in healing from infidelity as it addresses the profound hurt and fear experienced by both partners.

  • Create Secure Bonds: Foster emotional security and closeness.
  • Identify and Understand Needs: Help partners articulate and empathise with each other’s emotional needs.
  • Promote Emotional Expression: Encourage open communication of feelings and vulnerabilities.
  • Identify Patterns in Emotional Response: Recognize and change negative patterns that exacerbate issues.
  • Letting Go of Self-Protection: Encourage openness and vulnerability to foster healing.
  • Stop Projecting the Past: Address past traumas and their impact on current reactions.

 

How it Works: Therapists guide couples to identify and express underlying emotions, helping to reshape negative interaction patterns. EFCT creates a safe environment where couples can openly share their pain and needs, facilitating deep emotional healing and rebuilding trust after infidelity. This approach focuses on the attachment needs of both partners, addressing the hurt and fear that often accompany betrayal.

Non-Violent Communication (NVC)

Non-Violent Communication (NVC) encourages empathetic listening and expressing needs without blame, which is crucial in the sensitive context of infidelity.

  • Develop Empathy: Foster understanding and empathy in communication.
  • Express Needs Clearly: Teach partners to express their needs and feelings assertively.
  • Resolve Conflicts Peacefully: Promote conflict resolution through mutual understanding and respect.

 

How it Works: Couples practice empathetic listening and learn to express their needs without criticism. Therapists facilitate dialogue that fosters understanding and collaborative conflict resolution based on mutual respect. NVC helps create a safe space where both partners can express their hurt and needs without fear of judgment.

 

Satir Method

The Satir Method involves exploring family-of-origin issues, enhancing self-awareness, and practicing new ways of relating that promote emotional honesty and intimacy, which are essential for healing from betrayal.

  • Enhance Self-Esteem: Build self-esteem and self-worth in each partner.
  • Improve Communication: Foster open, honest, and constructive communication.
  • Promote Growth: Encourage personal and relational growth through positive interactions.

How it Works: Therapists help couples explore family-of-origin issues and enhance self-awareness. Through role-playing and communication exercises, couples build trust, improve self-esteem, and foster honest, supportive interactions, which are critical for rebuilding a relationship after infidelity.

 

The Work of Esther Perel

Esther Perel’s approach explores intimacy, desire, and the balance between security and freedom in relationships, providing valuable insights for couples dealing with infidelity.

  • Explore Intimacy and Desire: Understand and address individual and mutual desires.
  • Navigate Security and Freedom: Balance closeness and autonomy within the relationship.
  • Promote Emotional Connection: Foster emotional intimacy and connection between partners.

 

How it Works: Therapists guide couples in navigating the balance between security and autonomy. Couples explore desires and intimacy, fostering deeper emotional connection and understanding within the relationship. This approach helps couples understand the dynamics of their relationship and rebuild trust and intimacy after betrayal.

 

Narrative Therapy and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)

Narrative Therapy and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) offer postmodern approaches to infidelity counselling. These methods focus on reframing the problem and emphasising that the person is not the problem.

  • Reframe the Problem: Help couples see the issue of infidelity from different perspectives.
  • Empower Individuals: Focus on strengths and solutions rather than problems.
  • Promote Positive Change: Encourage small, manageable steps towards rebuilding trust and intimacy.

 

How it Works: Narrative Therapy involves helping couples reframe their story, understanding that the infidelity is an event rather than a defining aspect of their relationship. SFBT focuses on identifying what works and building on these strengths. These approaches help couples move forward by recognising their ability to create positive change.

 

Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR)

EMDR is a powerful therapy used to heal trauma, including the trauma associated with infidelity. It helps individuals process traumatic memories and reduce their emotional charge.

  • Process Trauma: Address and heal the traumatic impact of infidelity.
  • Reduce Emotional Charge: Lower the intensity of negative emotions linked to betrayal.
  • Promote Healing: Foster a sense of closure and emotional stability.

 

How it Works: Therapists use EMDR techniques to help individuals process the traumatic memories associated with infidelity. This therapy can significantly reduce the emotional distress caused by betrayal and aid in the overall healing process.

At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we utilise these evidence-based approaches to help couples heal from infidelity. Our therapists create a safe, supportive environment where both partners can express their feelings, rebuild trust, and strengthen their bond. If you are struggling with the aftermath of infidelity, contact us today to start your journey towards healing and reconnection.

Understanding The Structure and Progression of Infidelity Counselling 

Although there is no one common way the outline structure is somewhat as below:-

Silent Wounds – Confronting The Reality and Impact of Infidelity

Emotional Turmoil:

We address the profound emotional impact on both partners, encompassing feelings of betrayal, loss of trust, guilt, shame, and the grief associated with the perceived loss of the relationship’s prior state.

Trust and Security:

We focus on the erosion of trust and the undermining of security within the relationship, guiding the journey towards rebuilding these foundational elements.

Betrayal Unveiled: Healing from the Scars After the Affair ( Rebuilding Trust Finding Hope)  

Initial Responses:

We guide couples through the initial shock and anguish following the discovery of an affair, offering strategies for managing the intense emotional and reactive states.

Deciding Whether to Stay or Leave:

Infidelity does not necessarily a death sentence. It can be looked at the end of the previous relationship but there is a choice to rebuild a new one with the same partner.

We assist individuals and couples in making informed decisions about their relationship’s future, whether opting to rebuild or part ways.

Rebuilding the Relationship

Restoring Trust:

We provide strategies and steps to gradually rebuild trust, highlighting the importance of transparency, accountability, and consistent actions over time.

Communication Strategies:

We teach effective communication techniques to enable partners to express their hurt, needs, and desires constructively, fostering understanding and empathy.

Forgiveness and Healing:

We guide couples through the forgiveness process, clarifying that it doesn’t condone the behavior but is crucial for healing.

Strengthening the Bond

Reconnecting Emotionally:

We focus on methods to reconnect and rekindle the emotional bond between partners, through shared activities, intimacy, and quality time.

New Foundations for the Relationship:

We help couples build a new, stronger relationship foundation based on honesty, respect, and mutual support.

Hope for Healing -Healing for Hope   

Support for the Betrayed Partner:

We provide emotional support and healing strategies for the partner who was betrayed, focusing on rebuilding self-esteem, coping with trauma, and moving forward.

Support for the Partner Who Had the Affair:

We offer support to understand the motivations behind their actions, address guilt and remorse, and implement meaningful changes

.

Prevention and Moving Forward

Preventing Future Infidelity:

We discuss strategies and behaviors that help safeguard against future affairs, including maintaining healthy boundaries, ongoing communication, and continuous relationship maintenance.

Creating a Positive Future Together:

We concentrate on building a new future together, with strategies for sustaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Our Singapore Infidelity  Counselling Fees

Session Rates
In-Person: 250 SGD per 60 mins

Telehealth: 200 SGD per 60 mins (via Zoom)

 

Accepted Methods 
– International Credit/Debit Cards (Stripe)
– PayPal (SGD)
– QR Code Payments (SGD)
– PAYNOW (Local, UEN 202121229W)

 

Cancellation Policy
36-Hour Notice for changes or cancellations

Late Cancellations/No-Shows: Full session fee charged

What are  some Tools That Partners Can Avail of To Make Sense of the Situation 

A Curated List of Movies on Infidelity and Adultery  and the Effects on the other Partner.

1.Bridges of Madison County (1995): This film tells the story of a brief yet profound affair between a lonely housewife and a traveling photographer. Set against the backdrop of 1960s rural America, the movie explores themes of love, longing, and the choices we make. It highlights the intense connection and the deep emotional impact that a short-lived affair can have on one’s life.

2. Unfaithful (2002): A gripping portrayal of how even a seemingly happy marriage can be upended by an unexpected affair. The film delves into the allure of mystery, charm, and risk, drawing one partner into a passionate and obsessive relationship. It also examines the ensuing torment and rage when the other spouse discovers the infidelity, revealing the devastating impact of betrayal.

3. Closer (2004): This intense drama revolves around the intertwined lives of four individuals caught in a web of deceit and infidelity. The film portrays the complexities of modern relationships, highlighting themes of love, lust, and betrayal. Through raw and honest dialogues, it reveals how adultery can shatter trust and alter the course of lives.

4. Eyes Wide Shut (1999): A provocative exploration of desire and fidelity, this film follows a married couple as they navigate the boundaries of their relationship. The husband’s journey through a night of sexual and moral discovery raises questions about trust, jealousy, and the nature of marital commitment. The movie delves deep into the psychological aspects of adultery and its implications on a marriage.

5. Revolutionary Road (2008): A poignant and tragic exploration of a disintegrating marriage in the 1950s. The film stars Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio as a couple whose dreams and aspirations are crushed by the monotony of suburban life, leading to infidelity and heartbreak.

6. Fatal Attraction (1987): A suspenseful thriller that explores the consequences of a one-night stand. The film depicts the dangerous obsession that follows an affair, leading to a terrifying ordeal for the unfaithful husband and his family. It serves as a cautionary tale about the far-reaching impact of infidelity.

7. Little Children (2006): This film portrays the lives of two suburban parents who engage in an affair to escape the dissatisfaction of their respective marriages. It delves into the complexities of their emotional struggles and the impact of their actions on their families. The movie highlights the repercussions of seeking solace outside marriage and the inevitable consequences.

8. Match Point (2005): A psychological thriller that explores the themes of lust, ambition, and moral ambiguity. The film follows a former tennis pro who starts an affair with his brother-in-law’s fiancée. It showcases the lengths to which one might go to preserve a comfortable lifestyle, even at the expense of morality and loyalty.

These films provide a nuanced look at the many facets of adultery, from the initial attraction and secrecy to the eventual consequences and emotional fallout.

FAQ- Frequently Asked Questions

Infidelity can be a subjective concept, varying greatly from person to person. What one individual considers to be cheating, another may not. This disparity can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy or betrayal within a relationship if partners have differing views on what constitutes unfaithful behavior.

Different Perspectives on Infidelity

  • Pornography: For some, a partner viewing pornography might not be considered cheating. However, others might view it as a form of betrayal.
  • Physical Affairs: Many people see infidelity primarily as having a sexual relationship outside of their committed partnership. Most people agree that a sexual affair counts as infidelity.
  • Emotional Affairs: Emotional affairs, which involve forming a deep, emotional connection with someone outside the relationship, can be just as damaging—if not more so—than physical affairs. These relationships can signify a lack of investment in the primary partnership and can lead to significant emotional distress.
  • Flirty Texts and Online Interactions: Sending flirtatious texts, engaging in virtual sex, or maintaining an online dating profile while in a relationship can also be seen as infidelity, depending on the couple’s boundaries.
  • Financial Betrayals: Taking out several loans and acquiring a large debt without a partner’s knowledge can also be perceived as a form of betrayal.
  • Social Media Connections: Connecting with an ex on social media or following an ex can blur the lines of fidelity, with opinions varying on whether these actions constitute cheating.

Survey Insights

A recent study commissioned by Deseret News found conflicting answers when 1,000 people were polled about what constitutes “cheating”:

  • Physical Contact: The majority of respondents (71%-76%) said that physical sexual contact with someone outside of the relationship would always meet the threshold for cheating.
  • Online Behaviors: A slimmer majority thought that maintaining an online dating profile (63%) or sending flirtatious messages to someone else (51%) should always be considered cheating.
  • Social Media: The lines on whether following an ex on social media constituted a betrayal were even more ambiguous: 16% said it was always cheating, 45% thought it was sometimes cheating, and 39% answered that it never was.

Importance of Communication

To navigate these differences, it is crucial for partners to discuss their expectations and boundaries early in their relationship. Conversations about monogamy (where a couple does not engage with other partners outside their relationship) and nonmonogamy can help clarify each partner’s views and expectations.

By sharing these perspectives, couples can avoid misunderstandings and potential strains on their relationship. Establishing clear boundaries and mutual understanding about what constitutes infidelity can strengthen the partnership and help prevent feelings of betrayal.

Understanding that infidelity is not a one-size-fits-all concept and respecting each partner’s views and feelings about monogamy and non-monogamy is essential for maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship.

While all three forms of counseling aim to improve the health and stability of a relationship, they focus on different aspects and challenges that couples might face.

Relationship Counseling

Focus: General improvement of the relationship dynamics.

When to Seek: Relationship counseling is beneficial for any couple, whether they are dating, engaged, or cohabiting. It addresses common relationship issues such as communication problems, conflicts, and emotional disconnection.

Goals:

  • Enhance communication skills.
  • Resolve conflicts in a healthy manner.
  • Strengthen emotional bonds.
  • Address individual needs and expectations within the relationship.

Methods:

  • Techniques from various therapeutic approaches, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and others.
  • Exercises to improve empathy and understanding between partners.

Marriage Counseling

Focus: Issues specific to married couples.

When to Seek: Marriage counseling is tailored for married couples and focuses on the unique challenges that arise within a marital relationship. It can be sought at any stage of marriage, from newlyweds to long-term partnerships.

Goals:

  • Address marital conflicts and long-standing issues.
  • Improve intimacy and connection.
  • Help with major life transitions (e.g., becoming parents, career changes).
  • Strengthen commitment and partnership.

Methods:

  • Use of structured therapeutic techniques like the Gottman Method.
  • Interventions aimed at enhancing marital satisfaction and stability.
  • Focus on shared goals and values.

Infidelity Counseling

Focus: Healing and rebuilding trust after an affair.

When to Seek: Infidelity counseling is specifically for couples dealing with the aftermath of an affair. It helps both partners navigate the complex emotions and trust issues that arise from infidelity.

Goals:

  • Understand the root causes of the affair.
  • Rebuild trust and communication.
  • Address feelings of betrayal, anger, and hurt.
  • Develop a plan to prevent future infidelity and strengthen the relationship.

Methods:

  • Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for open dialogue.
  • Exploring underlying issues that contributed to the affair.
  • Using techniques from EFT, attachment theory, and the work of experts like Sue Johnson, Esther Perel, and John Gottman.
  • Providing tools for forgiveness and reconnection.
 

Each type of counseling addresses specific needs and challenges within a relationship, ensuring that couples receive the appropriate support and guidance to overcome their unique difficulties. Whether you are facing general relationship issues, marital problems, or the aftermath of infidelity, professional counseling can help you navigate these challenges and strengthen your bond.

Infidelity counselling is a specialised form of therapy designed to help couples heal and rebuild their relationship after an affair. Here’s what you can typically expect from an infidelity counselling session:

Safe and Non-Judgemental Environment

Expectation: The therapist will create a safe and supportive space where both partners can express their feelings and perspectives without fear of judgement.

Purpose: This environment helps in fostering open communication, essential for understanding the root causes and emotional impacts of the affair.

Exploration of Underlying Issues

Expectation: The therapist will guide you through a process of exploring the deeper issues that may have contributed to the infidelity.

Purpose: Understanding these underlying factors is crucial for addressing the root causes and preventing future occurrences.

Emotional Processing

Expectation: Both partners will have the opportunity to process their emotions, including feelings of betrayal, anger, guilt, and sadness.

Purpose: Emotional processing is a vital step in healing and moving forward. It helps each partner articulate their pain and begin the journey towards forgiveness.

Rebuilding Trust

Expectation: The therapist will provide strategies and exercises to help rebuild trust between partners.

Purpose: Trust is a cornerstone of any relationship. Rebuilding it involves transparency, honesty, and consistent actions over time.

Improving Communication

Expectation: You will learn and practise effective communication techniques to enhance understanding and reduce misunderstandings.

Purpose: Improved communication helps in resolving conflicts constructively and fosters a deeper emotional connection.

Developing a Plan for Reconnection

Expectation: The therapist will assist you in developing a plan to reconnect emotionally and physically, strengthening your relationship.

Purpose: This plan may include activities to rebuild intimacy, exercises to foster empathy, and strategies to enhance mutual support.

Setting Boundaries and Agreements

Expectation: You will work on setting clear boundaries and agreements to prevent future infidelity and ensure both partners feel secure in the relationship.

Purpose: Establishing boundaries helps in creating a sense of safety and commitment, essential for a healthy relationship.

Long-Term Strategies for Relationship Health

Expectation: The therapist will provide long-term strategies to maintain the health of your relationship, ensuring ongoing growth and resilience.

Purpose: Continuous effort and commitment are required to keep the relationship strong and prevent future issues.

Follow-Up and Support

Expectation: Regular follow-up sessions may be recommended to monitor progress and address any emerging issues.

Purpose: Ongoing support ensures that the healing process continues and that both partners feel supported in their journey.

Infidelity counselling aims to help couples heal from the pain of an affair, understand its causes, and rebuild a stronger, more resilient relationship. With professional guidance, couples can navigate this challenging time and emerge with a deeper connection and a renewed commitment to each other.

Discovering infidelity can be an incredibly painful and confusing experience. Deciding whether to end the relationship or continue requires careful consideration and, often, professional guidance. Here are some key points to consider:

Assessing the Situation

  1. Emotional Impact: Acknowledge the emotional impact of the affair on both yourself and your partner. It’s essential to understand your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger, and how they affect your ability to move forward.

  2. Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial. Discuss the affair with your partner to understand why it happened and whether both of you are willing to work towards rebuilding trust and intimacy.

Professional Guidance

  1. Counselling: Seeking professional counselling can provide a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and work through the issues that led to the infidelity. A therapist can help facilitate productive conversations and guide you through the healing process.

  2. Healing and Rebuilding: Counselling can also help you develop strategies to rebuild trust and reconnect emotionally and physically. This process takes time and commitment from both partners.

Considering Change

  1. Behavioural Patterns: Reflect on whether your partner acknowledges their actions and shows genuine remorse. Are they willing to take responsibility and make necessary changes to prevent future infidelity?

  2. Commitment to Change: Assess your partner’s commitment to changing their behaviour and addressing the issues that led to the affair. Consistent effort and transparency are key indicators of their willingness to change.

Making a Decision

  1. Personal Reflection: Take time to reflect on your own needs and boundaries. What do you need to feel safe and valued in the relationship? Are you willing to give your partner another chance, or do you feel that ending the relationship is the best course of action for your well-being?

  2. Mutual Decision: Ultimately, the decision to continue or end the relationship should be mutual and based on honest assessments of both partners’ willingness to heal and grow together.

Moving Forward

  1. Support System: Rely on your support system of friends, family, or support groups to help you navigate this challenging time. Sharing your experience with trusted individuals can provide comfort and perspective.

  2. Future Steps: Whether you decide to stay or leave, focus on your personal growth and healing. Prioritise self-care and ensure you have the support needed to move forward, whatever your decision may be.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Professional counselling can provide invaluable support in making this difficult decision and navigating the path ahead.

Yes, it is entirely normal to experience a wide range of emotions after discovering an affair, including anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. These feelings are a natural response to a significant breach of trust. Counselling provides a safe space to process these emotions and begin the healing journey.

Many relationships can and do survive infidelity, but it requires effort, commitment, and professional support. Couples who successfully navigate this challenge often emerge stronger and more connected. Infidelity counselling provides a structured approach to healing, rebuilding trust, and developing a deeper understanding of each other.

The duration of infidelity counselling varies based on the complexity of the issues and the commitment of both partners. Some couples may see significant progress in a few months, while others may require longer-term support. The goal is to work at a pace that feels right for both partners, ensuring thorough healing and resolution.

Preventing future infidelity involves addressing the underlying issues that led to the affair, improving communication, and strengthening your emotional connection. Setting clear boundaries, maintaining transparency, and seeking ongoing professional support can help ensure a healthy and faithful relationship.

Yes, infidelity counselling can still be valuable even if only one partner is willing to attend. Here’s why and what you can expect:

Individual Healing and Growth

  1. Personal Clarity: Attending counselling on your own can help you gain clarity about your feelings and thoughts regarding the infidelity and your relationship. It provides a space to process your emotions in a structured and supportive environment.

  2. Self-Awareness: Counselling helps you understand your needs, boundaries, and what you require for your own healing. This self-awareness is crucial whether you decide to stay in the relationship or move on.

Understanding and Coping

  1. Coping Strategies: A therapist can provide tools and strategies to cope with the emotional pain and stress that comes with infidelity. Learning these techniques can help you manage your feelings more effectively.

  2. Exploring Reasons: Counselling can help you explore the underlying reasons for the infidelity and how it has impacted you. This understanding is essential for personal healing and can also provide insights if your partner eventually decides to join the sessions.

Communication and Boundaries

  1. Improving Communication: Even if your partner isn’t attending, counselling can help you improve your communication skills. This can be beneficial for discussing the situation with your partner and expressing your needs and boundaries more clearly.

  2. Setting Boundaries: Learning to set healthy boundaries is crucial for your well-being. Counselling can guide you in establishing and maintaining these boundaries within your relationship.

Influence and Encouragement

  1. Modeling Change: Your commitment to personal growth and healing can have a positive influence on your partner. Sometimes, seeing the changes and benefits you experience through counselling can encourage your partner to participate as well.

  2. Encouraging Participation: A therapist can provide you with strategies to encourage your partner to join the counselling sessions. They can also help you address any resistance or fears your partner might have about attending therapy.

Preparing for Different Outcomes

  1. Decision Making: Individual counselling can help you make informed decisions about your relationship. Whether you choose to stay or leave, you will be better equipped to make choices that are best for your mental and emotional health.

  2. Support System: Building a support system through counselling can provide you with ongoing support and guidance, regardless of the outcome of your relationship.

Moving Forward

  1. Personal Growth: Focusing on your own growth and healing is always valuable. Whether your partner decides to join counselling or not, you will benefit from the insights and skills gained through therapy.

  2. Future Relationships: The tools and understanding you gain from individual counselling can positively impact future relationships, helping you build healthier connections moving forward.

While it’s ideal for both partners to participate in infidelity counselling, significant benefits can still be achieved when only one partner is willing to attend. Your commitment to healing and growth can pave the way for a healthier relationship, whether it’s with your current partner or in future relationships.

Deciding whether to tell your children about an affair depends on their age, maturity, and the specifics of your situation. It’s a sensitive topic that should be approached with care. Similarly, informing extended family members can be complex. A professional therapist can provide guidance on how to communicate with your children and families in an age-appropriate and supportive manner, ensuring that the information shared is handled with sensitivity and respect.

Recognizing the signs of infidelity can be challenging. Common indicators include changes in communication, increased secrecy, emotional distance, changes in appearance, and unexplained absences. However, it’s essential to approach the situation with care and avoid jumping to conclusions. Professional counselling can help you address your concerns and explore the truth in a safe and supportive environment.

Infidelity counselling, when conducted by a professional and trained therapist, is designed to facilitate healing and understanding. However, it is natural to worry about whether counselling might inadvertently exacerbate the situation. Here’s why professional infidelity counselling is crucial and why Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd. is the right choice:

Importance of Professional and Trained Therapists

  1. Expert Guidance: Professional therapists are trained to handle the delicate and complex nature of infidelity. They have the expertise to navigate the intense emotions and sensitive issues that arise, ensuring that the process is constructive rather than destructive.

  2. Safe and Structured Environment: A trained therapist provides a safe, structured environment where both partners can express their feelings without fear of judgment. This is essential for fostering open communication and understanding.

  3. Evidence-Based Approaches: Professionals use evidence-based approaches, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and attachment theory, to address the underlying issues that led to infidelity. These methods are proven to be effective in promoting healing and rebuilding trust.

Why Choose Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd.?

  1. Specialised Training: Our therapists are specially trained in handling infidelity cases. They bring a wealth of experience and knowledge to help you navigate this challenging time.

  2. Compassionate and Non-Judgmental: At Listening Ear, we understand the pain and complexity of infidelity. We approach each situation with compassion and without judgment, ensuring that both partners feel respected and heard.

  3. Tailored Support: We recognise that every relationship is unique. Our counselling sessions are tailored to meet the specific needs of your relationship, addressing the root causes and helping you develop a personalised plan for healing and rebuilding.

The Role of Counselling vs. Friends’ Advice

Listening to friends’ advice about whether to leave or stay can be exhausting and confusing. Friends often mean well, but their advice might not be what you need. Counselling offers a different approach: no advice, just support, tools, and a safe space to vent, understand, and explore your feelings and options. This process empowers you to make informed decisions that are right for you and your relationship.

Why Professional Counselling is Essential

  1. Avoiding Blame: Untrained or informal attempts at addressing infidelity can often lead to blame and further hurt. A professional therapist ensures that the focus remains on healing and understanding rather than assigning blame.

  2. Effective Communication: Professionals teach effective communication skills, helping couples to express their feelings and needs in a constructive manner. This is crucial for resolving conflicts and rebuilding trust.

  3. Long-Term Strategies: Professional counselling provides long-term strategies for maintaining relationship health and preventing future issues. This ongoing support is vital for sustained healing and growth.

Commitment to Healing

  1. Empathy and Understanding: Our approach is rooted in empathy and a deep understanding of the emotional turmoil that infidelity causes. We are committed to helping you and your partner heal and move forward.

  2. Proven Track Record: Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd. has a proven track record of successfully helping couples overcome infidelity. Our clients’ testimonials attest to the positive impact of our counselling services.

Disclaimer

While professional counselling aims to facilitate healing and understanding, outcomes can vary based on individual circumstances and commitment to the process. Success is not guaranteed, and results may differ. It is essential to approach counselling with an open mind and a willingness to engage in the therapeutic process.

While the journey through infidelity counselling can be challenging, choosing a professional and trained therapist ensures that it leads to healing and growth rather than further harm. Trusting your care to Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd. means placing your relationship in the hands of compassionate experts dedicated to your well-being and recovery.

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