Marriage, Couples Counselling Singapore by Relationship Therapist

Marriage counselling and couple counselling share the same goal: to support and strengthen relationships, regardless of gender or the nature of the relationship. Both approaches are collaborative and focus on the couple’s unique needs, fostering improved communication, connection, and understanding. However, there are subtle distinctions between the two.

Couple Counselling: Inclusive for All Relationships

Couple counselling is a broad and inclusive term. It applies to any two partners—whether they are in a same-sex or opposite-sex relationship, married, engaged, dating, or in a long-term partnership. The focus is on addressing relationship dynamics, improving communication, resolving conflicts, and enhancing emotional connection.

Marriage Counselling: Focused on Marital Challenges

Marriage counselling is often chosen by couples who are married and wish to navigate challenges unique to their relationship state. While it includes general relationship concerns like trust, intimacy, or communication, it may also address specific marital aspects. These include balancing family dynamics, co-parenting, or managing external pressures.

In some countries, same-sex marriage may not be legally recognised, which can pose additional challenges. At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we welcome all couples, regardless of marital status or legal recognition, ensuring a supportive and inclusive space for everyone.

The length of marriage counselling varies depending on the couple’s goals, challenges, and commitment level. At Listening Ear Counselling & Consultancy Pte. Ltd., we use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to tailor counselling to your specific needs. Here’s how counselling typically progresses:

1. Stabilisation and Crisis Management

This stage focuses on immediate concerns like heightened conflicts, emotional disconnection, or breaches of trust. We use Gottman tools such as the Four Horsemen antidotes (e.g., replacing criticism with gentle start-ups) and EFT strategies to reduce defensiveness and rebuild emotional safety.

• Duration: Weekly sessions for 3–8 weeks, depending on the urgency of the issues.

2. Identifying and Restructuring Patterns

Here, we explore the root causes of challenges. The Gottman Love Maps exercise helps couples understand each other’s inner worlds, while EFT addresses attachment needs and identifies negative cycles like blame-withdraw patterns.

• Couples practise communicating emotions and needs more effectively and vulnerably.
• Duration: Weekly or bi-weekly sessions over 2–4 months, depending on progress.

3. Rebuilding Connection and Integration

This stage emphasises practising emotional responsiveness, trust-building, and rebuilding intimacy. Tools like Fondness and Admiration and The Aftermath of a Fight combine with EFT’s re-attunement process to strengthen emotional bonds.

• Duration: Sessions may reduce to bi-weekly or monthly over 3–6 months as couples integrate new patterns.

4. Maintenance and Growth

Periodic check-ins help couples maintain progress and address new challenges. This stage focuses on reinforcing learned tools and preventing relapses into old patterns.

• Duration: As needed, every 3–6 months.

What Factors Influence the Duration?

The time required varies based on:

• Recent Conflicts: Couples with mild or recent issues may need fewer sessions.
• Deeper Issues: Attachment wounds, childhood traumas, or infidelity often require longer-term counselling.

On average, couples attend 8–20 sessions, but the exact duration depends on their unique circumstances and readiness to work on the relationship.

Marriage counselling isn’t about “fixing” a problem overnight—it’s a journey toward deeper understanding, connection, and resilience.

In a marriage counselling session, you can expect a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental environment where both partners have the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings openly. The therapist’s role is to facilitate productive conversations, help identify underlying issues, and guide the couple toward mutually agreed-upon goals.

What Happens During a Session?

1. Understanding the Relationship Dynamics:

   • The therapist observes how partners interact, including communication styles, emotional responses, and conflict patterns.
   • Both partners are encouraged to share their perspectives on the relationship.

2. Addressing Current Problems:

   • Sessions typically start with the immediate concerns that brought the couple to therapy, such as communication breakdowns, trust issues, or feelings of disconnection.

3. Exploring Past Influences:

   • The therapist may explore how past experiences, such as family dynamics or unresolved conflicts, are impacting the relationship.
   • Understanding these influences helps couples gain insight into recurring patterns.

4. Developing Strategies for Improvement:

   • Partners work together to build effective communication skills, such as active listening and expressing needs without blame.
   • Practical tools for managing conflicts and rebuilding trust are introduced, tailored to the couple’s specific situation.

The Therapist’s Role

The therapist acts as a neutral facilitator, helping couples:

• Navigate difficult conversations in a constructive way.
• Develop a deeper understanding of each other’s emotions and needs.
• Identify and change negative patterns of behaviour.

Sessions are collaborative, meaning the couple’s goals and preferences shape the process. The focus is on creating a supportive environment where both partners feel heard and respected.

What Can Couples Gain from Counselling?

• Clarity: A better understanding of the root causes of conflicts and challenges.
• Connection: Tools to rebuild intimacy and strengthen emotional bonds.
• Skills: Practical strategies for communication, conflict resolution, and problem-solving.
• Hope: A renewed sense of possibility for the relationship, whether through reconnection or making informed decisions about the future.

Marriage counselling is not about assigning blame but about fostering growth, understanding, and meaningful connection. It’s a space where couples can rebuild trust, improve communication, and work toward a stronger partnership.

Marriage counselling is beneficial at any stage, as every phase of a relationship comes with its own challenges and opportunities. Understanding the stages of marriage helps couples navigate their journey, anticipate obstacles, and celebrate milestones together. Research suggests that marriages evolve through distinct stages, each with unique experiences and difficulties.

1. The Honeymoon Phase

Description: This initial stage, lasting 1–3 years, is characterised by intense love, admiration, and infatuation. Everything about your partner feels perfect, and their quirks seem charming.
Challenges: Maintaining this level of bliss is unrealistic. Couples must acknowledge that this phase is temporary and lay the groundwork for trust and deeper intimacy.

2. Coming Down to Earth

Description: As the honeymoon phase fades, daily realities and routines take hold. Partners begin to notice each other’s flaws and habits more clearly.
Challenges: Accepting imperfections can lead to disappointment or frustration. Effective communication and setting realistic expectations are vital to strengthen the relationship. This phase typically lasts 3–5 years.

3. The Seven-Year Itch

Description: Around the 5–7 year mark, couples often experience restlessness or a desire for change. Individual differences may become more pronounced.
Challenges: This fragile period can lead to infidelity or separation. However, it also provides an opportunity for personal growth and mutual appreciation. Counselling can be especially helpful in navigating this stage.

4. Smooth Waters

Description: Couples settle into routines, develop a deeper understanding of each other, and build a shared life. This phase can last up to 20 years.
Challenges: Major life events, such as parenting or buying a home, occur during this stage. While intimacy may take a backseat, the focus on creating stability and unity strengthens the partnership.

5. The Empty Nest Stage

Description: As children grow up and leave home, couples enter a new phase often coinciding with middle age.
Challenges: With the daily focus on parenting gone, couples may need to redefine their relationship. Emotions range from sadness to relief, and reconnecting as partners becomes essential. Focusing on personal health and shared interests is key.

6. The Reunion Stage

Description: With children independent and careers more stable, couples can refocus on their relationship. This phase lasts 3–5 years.
Challenges: Aging and physical or mental health changes may emerge. Couples need to adapt and find ways to rekindle intimacy and connection.

7. Potential Explosion

Description: As couples age, unresolved feelings of dissatisfaction or regret may surface, creating a crisis period.
Challenges: Stressors like caring for aging parents or grappling with “what could have been” can strain the relationship. Professional guidance can help couples address these challenges constructively.

8. The Fulfillment Stage

Description: Often referred to as the “golden years,” this final stage is marked by stability, contentment, and gratitude, lasting until one partner passes away.
Challenges: Reflecting on a long shared history can bring a sense of accomplishment and joy. Couples enjoy the rewards of their hard work and dedication, such as financial security and meaningful time together.

Navigating the Stages of Marriage

Every stage of marriage presents unique challenges and growth opportunities. While no relationship is without its difficulties, couples who openly communicate, practice empathy, and seek help when needed are better equipped to navigate these transitions.

If you feel overwhelmed by a particular stage or want to strengthen your relationship, marriage counselling can provide the guidance and support needed to thrive through every phase.

While marriage counselling is generally most effective when both partners are actively involved, it can still be beneficial if only one partner is willing to attend. Individual counselling in such cases offers opportunities for self-reflection, growth, and change that can positively influence the relationship as a whole.

How Can Individual Counselling Help the Relationship?

1. Personal Growth and Insight:

   • The willing partner can explore their own emotions, triggers, and behaviours in depth.
   • Understanding these dynamics helps them approach the relationship with greater clarity and emotional stability.

2. Positive Influence on the Relationship:

   • By changing how they respond to conflicts or communicate needs, the willing partner can shift the dynamics within the relationship.
   • These changes may inspire the hesitant partner to engage more constructively.

3. Improved Communication Tools:

   • Individual sessions can provide strategies to improve dialogue, reduce reactivity, and foster understanding, even if only one partner is actively participating.

4. Encouraging the Hesitant Partner:

   • Over time, the hesitant partner may notice the positive changes and benefits stemming from the sessions. This can reduce resistance and encourage them to join counselling.

When Both Partners Are Not Present

Even if only one partner is attending, the counselling process can still:

• Focus on empowering the attending partner to address issues within their control.
• Offer strategies to cope with challenges while fostering emotional well-being.
• Highlight areas where mutual growth might eventually occur.

Why It’s Still Worth It

Counselling, even when done individually, is a proactive step toward improving the relationship. While it’s ideal for both partners to participate, the process can help the attending partner feel supported, gain new insights, and create a healthier foundation for the relationship.

Ultimately, one person’s commitment to growth and healing can positively affect the relationship and potentially encourage the other partner to join.

Marriages can go through various stages of concerns, each presenting unique challenges. Understanding these stages can help couples address issues effectively and grow stronger together. Here are the four primary stages of marital concerns and strategies to navigate them:

Stage 1: Disillusionment

Description:
This stage begins when the honeymoon phase fades. Partners may feel disillusioned or disappointed as they notice things about each other that they didn’t see before. This can lead to feelings of loss or sadness.

Solution:

• Open and honest communication is essential during this stage.
• Discuss your feelings and work on building a stronger emotional connection.
• Marriage counselling individual sessions can help you navigate disillusionment and reinforce your relationship foundation.

Stage 2: Distress

Description:
Communication begins to break down, and conflicts become more frequent and intense. Partners may experience feelings of anger, frustration, and emotional disconnection.

Solution:

• Identify the root causes of conflicts and work together to resolve them.
• Seek couple therapy Singapore or marriage therapy to gain tools for healthy and constructive conflict resolution.
• Learn strategies to rebuild trust and strengthen emotional bonds.

Stage 3: Reorientation

Description:
This stage often follows major life changes, such as becoming parents or relocating. Partners may feel disoriented or uncertain about their roles and expectations within the relationship.

Solution:

• Communicate your needs, priorities, and goals with your partner.
• Individual marriage counselling or couples therapy Singapore can help align your visions for the future.
• Develop shared strategies to adapt to new circumstances and nurture your relationship.

Stage 4: Indifference

Description:
At this stage, partners feel disconnected and apathetic toward each other. Indifference can create a sense of emotional distance that makes it difficult to repair the relationship.

Solution:

• Address indifference as early as possible to prevent further disconnection.
• Engage in marital counselling Singapore to rediscover shared values and reignite the spark.
• Early intervention is key to overcoming apathy and rebuilding a meaningful connection.

Finding Hope Through Counselling

Marriage is a dynamic and ever-changing journey. Regardless of the stage you’re in, there is always hope. Whether you’re experiencing disillusionment, distress, reorientation, or indifference, counselling can provide the support you need.

Marriage counselling—whether through couple counselling Singapore or individual sessions—can help you navigate these challenges with guidance from a trained therapist. With the right tools and interventions, you and your partner can overcome these stages and build a stronger, more resilient bond.

The answer depends on what “worse” means to you. For example:

• If “good” means staying together at any cost, even in cases of domestic violence or abuse, and “worse” means a peaceful separation or amicable divorce, then yes, counselling might seem to make things worse.

Marriage counselling doesn’t just “cover up wounds.” It’s not about putting a plaster over an unresolved issue; it’s about thoroughly addressing and understanding the underlying dynamics of the relationship.

Revisiting the Idea of Marital Satisfaction

In the early days of psychology, marital satisfaction was often measured simply by the absence of conflict. However, this approach was flawed. A couple in a prolonged “cold war,” avoiding each other, or living as distant cohabitants may not argue—but they’re also not truly connected.

True marital satisfaction includes factors such as:

• Intimacy: Emotional and physical closeness, including the health of their sex life.
• Repair Mechanisms: How well partners recover from disagreements or conflicts.
• Connection: Feeling seen, heard, and valued by each other.
• Vulnerability and Safety: The ability to share openly without fear of judgment or rejection.

Counselling often brings the “elephant in the room” to light. For some couples, this might mean realising they are no longer compatible or that parting ways is the healthier option.

The Role of a Counsellor

As therapists, we do not decide the outcome of your relationship. Instead, we provide a safe and supportive space where both partners can:

• Address underlying issues constructively.
• Learn tools for communication and conflict resolution.
• Explore vulnerabilities in a non-judgmental environment.

Ultimately, marriage counselling is about giving couples the skills and clarity they need to make decisions that align with their well-being, whether that involves rebuilding the relationship or pursuing a peaceful separation.

The Outcome Is Yours to Decide

Counselling may feel difficult at times, as it involves confronting uncomfortable truths. However, these conversations are often necessary for growth, healing, and understanding—whether as a couple or as individuals.

Let us support you through this process, whatever path you choose.